Hello and welcome to the latest issue of The Ghoulish Times. My name is Max Booth III and this is my spooky newsletter. I have exactly 30 minutes before I have to get dressed and leave the house, so let’s see if I can actually begin and finish this thing in time.

I will be leaving the house in a half hour for Day 2 of the Friend Till the End horror festival in San Antonio.

We have a Ghoulish Books table at this event all weekend. Yesterday (Saturday) was pretty okay. We sold 13 books, which is not great but it’s not terrible either. If we can make it into double digits each day, I’m mostly satisfied. Hopefully today (Sunday) is even better, although statistically Saturdays are usually the big sales days. We shall see! If you’re local, come on down to the Wonderland of the Americas shopping mall in San Antonio.

Earlier this week we were given the keys to our new bookstore. We have not had time to do a lot with the store yet. Currently we are still waiting to hear back from the city about getting the electricity turned on. Once that’s done, we will need the city to come out and give the property an inspection. We did, however, spend like $700 at IKEA the other day on various office furniture, which I am dreading having to put together next week. But it’s going to be cool.

Here’s a little walk-through tour I made when we first moved in last week:

max booth does not exist @GiveMeYourTeeth

allow me to give you a brief tour of our upcoming @GhoulishBooks store space.

I’m excited. And nervous. And stressed. But excited, for sure!

Related—Shelf Awareness (a popular book-related newsletter) gave the bookstore a little spotlight in their latest issue, mostly recycling quotes from an interview I did with the San Antonio Current, but still pretty cool to see other people excited about this, too.

If you missed last month’s The Ghoulish Show, do not fear. We were able to once again record the event and upload it to YouTube. For February, we did a Ghoulish Dating Game, with the following ghouls participating: Susan Snyder, Ryan C. Bradley, Michael Louis Dixon, Felix Morgan, John Baltisberger, and Andrew Hilbert. Everybody answered questions similar to what you’d see on The Dating Game, but with a bit of a ghoulish twist to them. Confession: before heading down to Austin to host that event, I’d spent the entire day watching reruns of The Dating Game on YouTube as I tried to come up with these questions. I do not regret a single thing about that day.

You can watch The Ghoulish Dating Game HERE:

And, for those who can’t watch the video but are curious about the questions I devised, I will type them all out for you here. Feel free to spring them on your partner to test their true romantic feelings. Also, I strongly encourage everybody to answer these questions in the comments.

THE GHOULISH DATING GAME QUESTIONS

If I was Dracula and you were my Renfield, how would you make sure I was always satisfied?
If we were together in a graveyard, what would you do with me?
If a slasher was going around slicing up those who were “the loosest” how quickly would you die?
We all know the ingredients for “Love Potion #9” but what are the ingredients for a potion that would convince my psychotic mailman to stop lacing my mail with anthrax?
If I burst into 1,000 slugs just as you were going to kiss me good night, what would you do?
Let’s say I died (again) and you wanted to summon me with a seance—how would you do it?
How do you know when you’ve been possessed by a demon?
If I was a mummy, how would you unwrap me?
What do you think happens when I get wet after midnight?
What stage of decomposition would you most like to see me in?
If we were the only two left alive in the zombie apocalypse, what would be your idea of a perfect date?
Let’s say I showed up at your home with a dead body in my trunk. Would you help me hide it? If so—how?
What part of the human body should everybody begin eating?
If I gave you $10, how would you spend it at Taco Bell?
What does “ghoulish” mean to you?

And, finally, the sudden-death tie-breaker:

The song “Monster Mash” is not the actual Monster Mash. It’s about someone witnessing the Monster Mash. Please, utilizing the best singing/dancing skills you have, demonstrate the real Monster Mash.

In the comments below, answer the above questions.

Leave a comment

For the tie-breaker, maybe post a video and tag me on social media. I am going to be spending all day selling books at a mall and I desperately crave an entertaining distraction.

Recently a few subscribers to this newsletter have attempted to pledge $$$, except this newsletter has never activated payment subscriptions before. I went ahead and changed that, so if you wish to subscribe with some cash, that’s definitely appreciated but totally not necessary, as everything on The Ghoulish Times will remain free, even when we start posting short stories from Ghoulish Tales in the near future.

Speaking of Ghoulish Tales—we finally finished responding to every submission. If you have not received a response by now, definitely hit us up and find out what’s going on (but first, please make sure you didn’t submit after February 15th, as I deleted those late submissions without bothering to read).

Here are some final stats, for those interested:

Accepted: 10
Rejected: 1,147
Withdrawn: 411

Right now we are in the middle of drawing up contracts for everybody and getting the legal stuff finalized, but once that’s all settled we will absolutely announce the table of contents and open for online orders. I’m very pumped about these final stories. You ghouls are going to lose your minds.

Later this month my good friend Andrew Hilbert and I will be driving up to Katy, TX to host a double feature at the Alamo Drafthouse.

A DOUBLE FEATURE DESIGNED FOR MAXIMUM SHOCK, HOSTED BY TWO TEXAS HORROR AUTHORS
This screening is part of Graveyard Shift, a weekly horror film series. Sign up for the Graveyard Shift mailing list for discount advanced tickets.
ABOUT
A DOUBLE FEATURE DESIGNED FOR MAXIMUM SHOCK, HOSTED BY TWO TEXAS HORROR AUTHORS
Join guest programmers and Texas authors Max Booth III (WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING, the upcoming ABNORMAL STATISTICS) and Andrew Hilbert (XCRMNTMNTN) for a double feature where the films have nothing to do with each other, besides the fact they will entertain the hell out of you.
THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS (1991)
Wes Craven, the director of The Serpent and the Rainbow and Shocker, locks you inside the most terrifying house on the street. Trapped inside a fortified home owned by a mysterious couple, a young boy is suddenly thrust into a nightmare. The boy quickly learns the true nature of the house's homicidal inhabitants and the secret creatures hidden deep within the house.
THE GREASY STRANGLER (2016)
Ronnie runs a Disco walking tour with his son, Brayden. When a sexy woman takes the tour, it begins a competition between father and son for her love. It also signals the arrival of an oily strangler who stalks the streets at night.

GET TICKETS

Speaking of Andrew and his new book, check out this awesome review we received for XCRMNTMNTN yesterday.

Here’s a brief excerpt:

This deeply intellectual fortuity reads like an intoxicating low budget film enhanced with cum, blood, sweat and queef dust. Providing breathtaking illustrations and some of the most odd characters you will ever read, Hilbert takes the reader on a soiled magic mountain ride made entirely of outlandish excretions. […] What John Waters did for movies and Mr. Bungle did for music, Andrew Hilbert has done for books.

Read the full review here.

And pre-order a SIGNED2 copy here.

Okay, that’s it for this week. You can support us on Patreon, browse the books in our webstore, and follow us on Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, TikTok, and Twitter (PMMP | Ghoulish Tales | Ghoulish podcast | Ghoulish Books | personal).

Or just click on our LINKTREE for all relevant links.

Reserve your ticket for Ghoulish Book Fest 2023.

You can also join us on the Ghoulish Discord.

See you next time, ghouls.

1

accepted by another publication

2

driving up to Austin on Tuesday night with several hundred copies for Andrew to personally sign!

The Ghoulish Times

The Ghoulish Times | 03/02/23